Funny

1877

inout1

An Arizona man made a bizarre choice during a police chase Wednesday night, where he was the suspect in an aggravated domestic violence case; he stopped by an In-N-Out Burger’s drive-thru.

35-year-old Joshua Adkins appeared to order food, but then drove away without picking it up and got out of his truck a short time later. He then ran into a backyard and tried to get into a house through a back door.

When he couldn’t get in, he surrendered to police and was taken into custody.

He was charged with unlawful flight from law enforcement, aggravated assault-domestic violence, and unlawful imprisonment.

 

2030

naked1

A Tennessee man wearing nothing but a smile and carrying an unopened can of Coors Light was arrested at about 3:30 a.m. Friday after numerous 911 calls reporting a naked white male pounding on windows and doors.

27-year-old Joshua Ivy was discovered “completely naked and appeared extremely intoxicated” when officers arrived on the scene. When asked how much alcohol he’d consumed, through extremely slurred speech, he responded that he couldn’t remember.

He couldn’t even remember how he’d gotten where he was.

When asked about the pounding on windows and doors, he didn’t hesitate; he was looking for someone to have sex with.

He was arrested for misdemeanor disorderly intoxication and spent roughly five hours in custody before posting a $1000 bond.

 

570

burger1

A Wyoming man who’d arranged to pay a prostitute with a McDonald’s Quarter Pounder and French fries was taken into custody when he showed up for the illegal encounter with food in hand. It turned out it was a police sting.

22-year-old David Mangus answered an ad on Backpage.com that police had posted, pretending to be a prostitute looking for clients. He then arranged to meet the hooker for sex, but offered up a Mcdonald’s Quarter Pounder with cheese and a medium order of fries for both oral sex and intercourse.

He was arrested as soon as he arrived to meet the non-existent lady of the night. He was carrying the bag of fast food when undercover officers placed him under arrest.

He was charged with misdemeanor soliciting prostitution and was booked into the Natrona County jail. He was later released.

484

gun1

A Florida man was arrested earlier this month after telling cops that he “didn’t notice” the firearm he was sitting on when he was pulled over.

34-year-old Christopher Battles was the passenger in a car that was pulled over by cops on October 6th. Officers noticed the smell of marijuana flowing out of the car.

Officers say they saw the butt of a pistol near Mr. Battles’ leg. When they brought this to their attention, he told them that he “just jumped” into the seat and “didn’t recognize by sight or feel” the gun and ammo that he was sitting on.

He continued to deny ownership or knowledge of the gun while being read his rights.

He was arrested and charged with possession of a firearm and ammunition by a convicted felon.

 

470

pants1

A Florida man tried to run from a Walmart with two stolen TVs, but he ran right out of his pants – literally. Those pants contained his identification.

45-year-old Columbus Henderson took off running from a Walmart Supercenter on September 26th with two 40-inch TVs after the cashier had already scanned them.

As he ran across the parking lot, his pants fell to his ankles, and he didn’t skip a step, leaving them behind. The entire incident was captured on surveillance footage as well.

It took authorities roughly a week to track down the 350-pound man, but he was taken into custody in the early morning hours of October 4th.

When he was transported to the Pinellas County jail, he told officers that he’d had a crack pipe stashed in his rectum. He then dropped it on the ground after already having retrieved it.

Cops picked it up and added a charge of possession of drug paraphernalia to his charge of grand theft; a felony.

He remains in custody in lieu of a $2150 bond.

 

494

wrap1

A New Jersey man was spotted by fellow fellow beach-goers wearing nothing but a plastic wrap bikini.

59-year-old Stephen Wojciehowski was collared last week by Long Beach Island police after being spotted for two days by various lovers of the surf wearing the revealing outfit. His genitals were clearly visible.

He’s been released on bond and is awaiting his court date on a charge of lewdness; a misdemeanor.

 

796

clown1

A creepy clown, as depicted in a nationwide rash of such sightings of these makeup-clad demons purportedly luring kids into wooded areas, was taken into custody by Kentucky police Friday.

20-year-old Jonathan Martin’s arrest comes amid reports of suspicious clowns in at least six other states.

Mr. Martin had been seen crouched next to a wooded area near an apartment complex in the full clown get-up.

When an officer stopped, Martin started running.

He was charged with disorderly conduct and wearing a mask in public.

clown2

 

494

avocado1

A Missouri man was cited after a sheriff’s deputy spotted him smoking a pipe and exhaling “a cloud of smoke” and his vehicle having a brake light out.

The deputy pulled 21-year-old Benjamin Hensley over and, as two deputies approached, they smelled the unmistakable odor of weed coming from inside the car.

One of the two deputies asked him what he’d been smoking, and Mr. Hensley pointed to an avocado in the center console’s cup-holder.

He explained that he’d made it into a weed pipe himself, then handed it to over.

Being the ever-helpful guy, he then reached into the center console and took out a bag of weed and handed that over as well.

He was ticketed for marijuana possession and possession of drug paraphernalia.

The avocado was confiscated as evidence.

Mr. Hensley is due in court on October 17th.

 

565

ruler1

An Iowa man was arrested Tuesday night for measuring his penis with a cardboard ruler while he was standing at a urinal inside the University of Iowa’s Main Library’s bathroom back on May 7th.

42-year-old Thomas Morgan was inside the restroom when he partially turned his body towards the victim/witness who’d been using another urinal in the bathroom. He then, according to a criminal complaint,  “measured his penis against a cardboard ruler.”.

The victim told an officer that Mr. Morgan then “made a comment regarding his size.” The unnamed man added that on top of two of the urinals were cardboard rulers with “dark sharpie markings regarding penis size.”

The victim told authorities that he “felt weird and uncomfortable” seeing the suspect’s “semi erect penis.”

During questioning, Morgan is said to have admitted that he’d measured himself with the ruler. He denied, however, “being aroused”.

He was, charged with misdemeanor indecent exposure and booked into the Johnson County jail before being released a short time later.

His court date is scheduled for a September 23rd and he’s been ordered to have no contact with the victim.

 

6692

prison1

A Kansas man accused of robbing a bank told cops that he’d rather be in prison than live with his wife.

70-year-old Lawrence John Ripple had handed a note to a bank teller in Kansas City this past Friday. It said he had a gun and demanded cash. He took the money and went and sat in the lobby where he told a guard he was the “guy he was looking for.”

Cops arrived very quickly.

According to the arrest affidavit, Mr. Ripple had been arguing with his wife earlier that day, and told authorities that he wrote the note in front of her, telling her he would “rather be in jail than at home.”

He was charged with bank robbery.

 

472

A Florida man wanted on two outstanding warrants was arrested Tuesday after cops found that he’d changed his Facebook profile picture to his own “Wanted” poster.

Mack Yearwood helped authorities track him down via social media and is now facing additional charges after a bag of weed fell out of his pocket while he was being taken into custody.

He was wanted in Citrus County for violation of probation on two counts of battery.

wanted1

 

1851

pantsless1

A good friend made a very poor decision this past Sunday morning around 3 a.m.

Two of 20-year-old Jocelyn Reardon’s friends had been arrested two hours earlier and she was heading to pick them up. She herself was arrested for being drunk when she did so.

She was found drunk behind the wheel by Troy Police in the parking lot of the district courthouse.

She told the officers that a male friend had been with her and that he’d done most of the driving, but she confessed to driving to the place where they’d found her. According to those officers, Ms. Reardon’s speech was slurred.

The friend she was picking up included a 23-year-old female who’d been driving drunk, and was found to be naked from the waist down.

Her other friend was 19 years old and likewise drunk.

Reardon and her 23-year-old cohort were cited for operating a motor vehicle under the influence of alcohol, while her younger friend was hit with a misdemeanor charge of consuming alcohol while under the age of 21.

 

521

gorilla1

An Ohio man attracted attention to himself when he started acting like a gorilla and began masturbating on the sidewalk.

32-year-old Timothy Cook was the subject of a few 911 calls about two “white males running around the lot taking off their clothes.”

Mr. Cook had reportedly been “growling and punching the cement.”

He’d reportedly gone into a state motor vehicles office and started waving his arms around. He then left the building and started masturbating on the sidewalk, according to the police report.

When an officer approached him, he starting sweating profusely and acted like a gorilla. He, according to an officer, was “squatting on all fours, punching the blacktop and jumping up and down screaming noncoherently. [sic]”

He was then arrested and put into an ambulance to check him out. EMTs treated him, purportedly for an apparent overdose, although it hasn’t been indicated what the drug(s) may have been.

He’s been charged with disorderly conduct while intoxicated.

His partner in oddity, 24-year-old Osmond LeMasters, was charged with the same thing.

 

1123

shake1

A Nebraska man was spotted on two separate occasions purportedly masturbating in his car. His explanation for what he was actually doing didn’t convince cops.

21-year-old Nathan Grimes was spotted last Wednesday afternoon outside of a convenience store by a 35-year-old woman who peered into his white Mazda as she passed by. She claims he was masturbating.

Then, on Monday morning, a 49-year-old woman spotted him doing what she claimed was the same disgusting act, but in front of a different convenience store. She called 911.

With license plate info and a description of the suspect in hand, cops paid him a visit at home.

He admitted to being at the stores in question, but claims he was “vigorously mixing his protein shake” when the women had each seen him. Cops didn’t buy it and hauled him in.

He was arrested on two charges of indecent exposure; misdemeanors.

He was booked into the Lancaster County jail and later released.

He’s next due in court on September 20th.

 

8692

van1

An Ohio man has been arrested after allegedly trying to have sex with a van.

Michael Henson was arrested Tuesday after cops got a call around 8 p.m. for a man pulling his pants down and swinging on a stop sign.

When police arrived, they found him walking, dressed by this time, and he appeared to be intoxicated.

They put him in the back of a squad car while they spoke with the woman who’d made the call.

She told them she’d seen him standing near a parked van before pulling his shorts down and putting his penis into the front grill.

According to the woman, he did this for quite a while, then seemingly passed out in a nearby yard. That’s when she decided to call cops.

He was taken into custody on a charge of public indecency and now resides in the Montgomery County Jail.

 

437

Police in Kentucky are on the hunt for an arsonist who was captured on security camera setting his own leg on fire while trying to ignite a local business.

A woman is seen getting out of a van, then returning moments later. The man is then seen emerging and holding a Molotov cocktail.

When he lobs the volatile object, he inadvertently sets his own left leg and foot alight. He then takes off in a fiery panic while trying to put out the flames.

He finally throws himself onto the grass and extinguishes the fire. He then returns to the original scene nearby, adds more fuel to the fire – the one he intended to set – gets back into the van, and it drives away.

The search continues.

 

414

ghosts1

A Florida man high on Molly has been arrested after chasing ghosts around his house with a machete.

31-year-old Jonathan Ponce took the party drug with 26-year-old Meghan Silva, his girlfriend, on Thursday — but he seems to have had a bad reaction.

He suddenly thought the house was haunted, so he armed himself and proceeded to freak his girlfriend. As a result, she fled, leaving her sleeping 6-year-old and 8-month-old children behind as she ran out of the house.

When police found the hopped-up couple, Ms. Silva admitted that they were wasted, and Mr. Ponce admitted to seeking and destroying the apparitions.

They were both taken into custody and have been charged with child neglect.

 

1057

cowsex

A Missouri woman walked into her barn and found a man attempting to have sex with her cow.

68-year-old Darrell Helton was caught with his pants down and charged with unlawful sex with an animal after he was alleged to have been caught in the act.

The woman had noticed a car parked near her barn on the evening of June 10th, and went in her barn to investigate.

As she entered, according to a probable cause affidavit, she saw a man naked and standing behind one of her cows, appearing to be having sex with it.

Mr. Helton told responding deputies that he’d gone to the property, caught a cow, tied it to the corral, then tried to have sex with it.

He also said it was the second time he’d had sex with a cow on the woman’s property.

He was charged with unlawful sex with an animal, a Class A Misdemeanor, and faces up to one year in prison.

The cow was unavailable for comment.

 

726

pokemon

Two people in Ohio have been arrested for choosing an illegal way to play Pokemon Go, the newest sensation.

25-year-old Robin Bartholomy and 26-year-old Adrian Crawford were charged with criminal trespassing for jumping the fence of the local zoo, walking around trying to play the game. It was 2:30 a.m. at the time.

They were taken into custody near the tiger exhibit.

They were transported to the Lucas County jail before being released on their own recognizance.

Ms. Bartholomy even made a Facebook post just days before the incident, boasting that she wasn’t above breaking the law for a Pokemon.

pokemon1

 

620

dog1

A Florida woman busted with the anti-anxiety drugs alprazolam and diazepam, claimed were for her dog.

56-year-old Anita Wymer told cops that the pills found in her car on July 10th had actually been prescribed to her dog.

A sheriff’s deputy had stopped her at around 3 a.m. after she was spotted running 90 mph in the area of I-95 and St. Lucie West Boulevard.

According to the report, she reeked of booze, but claims she only had “a few drinks.”

She was promptly arrested on a DUI charge after tests measured her blood alcohol content at 0.116 and 0.119, well over the legal limit of 0.08.

Cops found 13 alprazolam pills, and two diazepam pills for which she had no proof that she had a prescription.

According to the affidavit, she “then later stated that the pills were prescribed to her dog and she only took one”.

She then had charges related to having prescription pills without a prescription added.

Her dog has remained silent.

 

10yrold1

A Florida man busted last week after robbing a store, told cops he’d done it because the 10-year-old boy with him had made him do it.

18-year-old Steven A. Manor was caught red-handed on security cameras breaking a window with a large rock at a Dollar General store on July 14th. The 10-year-old was with him.

The elder was seen unlocking a case of cigarettes and stealing two packs.

Two people who were driving by heard the store’s alarm and saw three people running. They’d followed the trio to a motel, which is where they were found two of them; Mr. Manor and the 10-year-old.

Initially, he denied even being involved, but then told authorities that the 10-year-old and the youngster’s two cousins had “made him go into the store.”

He was arrested and charged with criminal mischief, petty theft, and burglary.

 

8175

brains1

A Pennsylvania man was arrested this past Thursday after he stole a human brain and spritzed his weed with the embalming fluid surrounding it to get high. He purportedly named this brain Freddy.

26-year-old Joshua Lee Long’s aunt contacted authorities on June 21st after finding a human brain in a department store bag under a porch while cleaning out a trailer.

He purportedly told that aunt, during a phone call from jail, that he’d used the formaldehyde-soaked marijuana to get high.

“The defendant related that he knew it was illegal to have the brain and that he and (another man) would spray the embalming fluid on weed to get high,” the investigator, Trooper John Boardman, wrote.

A coroner determined that the brain was indeed real.

Authorities believe it was probably stolen from a classroom or lab where it was being used as a teaching specimen.

Long has been charged with abuse of a corpse and conspiracy, and remains in jail.

 

646

poop1

A New Jersey man pooped in his pants, according to cops, in order to avoid being arrested this past weekend.

Officers had been responding to a call for a disorderly man at just before 4:30 a.m. Sunday when they came across 27-year-old Kyle Chambliss.

He was talking loudly on his cell phone while sitting in a car.

The officers say they smelled alcohol coming from him, so asked him to step out of the car.

After getting tired of hearing the man babble into his phone, the officers told him to end his phone call and talk to them. That’s when he allegedly became aggressive towards them.

When he was told he was being arrested, Mr. Chambliss said he had to fill his pants with butt pudding and proceeded to do just that.

When they tried to cuff him, he slammed his arm into one of the officers’ chests and kicked another one in the leg. Then the pepper spray came out, and that did the trick.

After later complaining of difficulty breathing, he was taken to Trinitas Hospital, where he was treated and released back to the cops.

He’s been charged with two counts of aggravated assault on a police officer, resisting arrest, and disorderly conduct. But he also had contempt of court warrants out of Somerset County Sheriff’s Department, Union County Sheriff’s Department, and Bound Brook Municipal Court.

He now resides in the Union County Jail in lieu of $65,000 bail.

He’s due in court on July 22nd.

 

547

hustler1

A Tennessee man was found in bed with a mannequin he’d stolen from a Hustler adult novelty store.

Christopher Wade had gone into the Hollywood Hustler store at just after midnight on July 4th.

According to a store employee, Mr Wade then grabbed a mannequin and hightailed it out of the store.

The manager had followed him and argued with him until he fled in his truck.

The manager was able to write down his license plate, and police tracked him down at his home.

He was found in bed with the mannequin, which was now missing an arm.

The mannequin, along with what it was wearing, were estimated to be worth $5,000.

Mr. Wade was charged with theft and criminal trespassing.

 

604

pantsless1

A Florida man fled sheriff’s deputies during a wild chase on I-95. It was once he stopped that it got downright bizarre.

48-year-old Frederick Francis Petrone was naked from the waist down and said he was on a month-long crack binge.

He’s been charged with aggravated battery on a law enforcement officer, fleeing and eluding at a high speed, and possession of drug paraphernalia.

Ford F-150 truck

He’s being held on $525,000 bond.

It all started at 3:44 a.m. Sunday when a U.S. Border Patrol agent reported the man fleeing after he was stopped for reckless driving.

Three sheriff’s deputies in clearly marked cars were soon in pursuit, trying to stop his Ford F-150 pickup truck. He then swerved into a median, losing a tire in the process, but continued fleeing.

During the chase, he rammed a deputy’s car and reversed direction on the highway before finally being brought to a stop when his remaining three tires were taken out by a spike strip.

Officers boxed him in and approached the truck with guns drawn. Petrone was yelling and refusing to get out of the vehicle. He was then finally pulled out after a deputy demolished the passenger side window and unlocked the door.

When he was taken to the ground and handcuffed, he was wearing nothing but a t-shirt and socks.

According to the arrest affidavit, “Petrone was in a state of excited delirium when placed under arrest. Petrone had body tremors and was panicking. Petrone also fainted while on scene.”

“Petrone stated numerous times that he had been smoking crack for over a month,” it continued, “and that he had been drinking all day.”

He was taken to a hospital, and then to jail.

His criminal history in Florida includes theft, burglary, traffic offenses, and drug possession. His first arrest came in 1987 on a cocaine charge.

 

497

pizza1

A North Carolina couple got into a dispute and proceeded to assault each other with pizza rolls.

24-year-old Brad Scott Beard and 21-year-old Samantha Brooke Canipe were charged with one count each of simple assault, a misdemeanor.

They got into the fight at their apartment and apparently used the closest weapons they had.

The reason for the fight is still unclear at this time.

Mr. Beard is facing 60 days in jail, while Ms. Canipe is facing 30 days in jail.

 

8176

bat1

A Florida man who broke into a couple’s home has made for a memorable mugshot…and quite the shiner.

33-year-old Noah Dassat was arrested and charged with four felony charges and one misdemeanor for armed burglary, battery, and criminal mischief.

He’d broken into a home this past Thursday armed with a baseball bat. Once inside, he encountered a married couple and their three kids. He set his sights on the man of the house and attacked him.

Unluckily for him, the man was was able to use his arms to render Mr. Dassat all but immobile with a bear hug. While he did this, his wife grabbed the bat and proceeded to beat the intruder senseless.

Dassat then fled the house, but found and taken into custody by authorities after using a fake name at the hospital.

Cops say that the night before he broke into the home, he’d shown up asking if a man named Josh lived there. Police believe he may have used this as a way to see who was there and what he’d be up against.

Apparently he’d severely underestimated the situation.

He now resides in the Charlotte County Jail without bond.

 

697

hoes1

A Chicago, Illinois teen has been arrested after cops say he called 911 and asked the dispatcher, “Where the hoes at?”

18-year-old Dennis Higgins allegedly made the poor choice of a call from his cellphone and got a Chicago Police Department dispatcher.

When he asked his idiot question, the dispatcher told him that they only respond to emergency calls, not jokes. He then purportedly replied that it was indeed an emergency; that he urgently needed a hoe to give him head.
Cops got his location and arrested him for disorderly conduct. Cops say that, upon his arrest, he said, “So y’all ain’t gonna tell me where the hoes at?”

He told reporters after being arrested, “I heard whenever you need help, just call the police, and that’s what I did. But all they did was come to my crib and arrest me, I guess all the hoes in jail”.

He faces up to a year behind bars and a fine up to $1,000 if convicted.

 

610

jingle-balls1

A Riverton, Utah man was busted Thursday for exposing himself with a unique twist.

64-year-old Kenneth Allen Beck was the reason for a call at around 4:50 p.m. of a man “running around naked with bells hanging from his genitals.”

Several girls, ranging in age from 8 to 16 years old, witnessed the man running around naked, and contacted police.

When officers arrived,  they found him clothed near a parking lot.

He told the deputies that he’d done it to “see their reaction”.

He was given a citation for suspicion of lewdness involving a child, a Class A misdemeanor.

He’d been convicted of a Class B misdemeanor for indecent exposure back in 2005 as well.

 

629

meth1

A South Carolina man was arrested this past Wednesday after applying for a loan so he could purchase meth.

58-year-old Grady Carson went to Carolina Title Loans try and get a loan using his vehicle’s title.

An employee told officers that he told her he needed the money to purchase meth.

Her manager was at another store location, so she “faxed a help letter” to the other employee on duty, who called the police.

When officers arrived, he was handcuffed and found to have “a glass container with an off white rock like substance inside.” He told cops it was cocaine, but he was “not going to smoke it because he did meth,” according to the report.

He’s been charged with narcotics possession and was booked into the county jail.

He was released early Thursday.