Perhaps the most indicative – and hilarious – words to ever leave a judge’s lips occurred in a New Mexico courtroom on Tuesday, October 27th.

They, among other equally notable words, came during the sentencing phase of the case against 20-year-old Isaiah Gay by Bernalillo County District Court Judge Christina Argyres.

Mr. Gay was being sentenced for a string of burglaries he’d committed, when the judge asked him what he thought would happen to him in prison. He guessed beatings. She saw things a bit differently.

“You’d probably be raped every day, number one,” she said. “You’d be beat up every other day.”

Upon hearing this harsh reality, he promised he’d never, ever commit another crime. “I was being young and dumb,” he said of his crimes.


She said prison would be a justifiable sentence, adding, “The issue with residential burglary, again, it’s almost like a rape, because it is such an invasion and such an intrusion on somebody’s life and their property.”

The Honorable Argyres then said that she didn’t want him to suffer that experience. She sentenced him to five years of probation instead. He’ll also have to pay restitution for the items he stole.

“He’s going to be somebody’s — I hate to use the word ‘bitch,’ but that’s exactly what he’s going to be, and I don’t want to destroy Mr. Gay’s life,” she reiterated.

She did, however, tell him that if he messed up at any point during said probation, he’d be headed straight to jail.