Some stories write themselves, folks.

Meet 32-year-old Richard Dean Defeudis. He broke into an Oregon home Thursday morning at around 3:40 a.m. He began going through and collecting the home’s valuables.

But for some inexplicable reason, he then went to the master bedroom, stripped off all of his clothes, got into the bed with the couple there…then planted a kiss on the man.

This woke the man up. (I assume stubble has that effect on the sleeping?) The man, upon waking to see a naked man with a knife sitting on top of him, reached for his loaded gun.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, the intruder-in-the-buff decided to quickly put his pants back on and took off down the street. The shocked and angry homeowner fired three shots at the fleeing man, all of which missed their target completely.

Police found the culprit a short time later in a nearby house.

Richard Dufus…er…Defeudis, who has a lengthy rap sheet from both Oregon and California, was treated at a hospital for possible drug-related symptoms.

He was then held in the Multnomah County Jail on $310,000 bail before being arraigned yesterday on charges of first and second-degree burglary, first-degree sex abuse, and unlawful use of a weapon.

The homeowner was not charged.